30 things people actually said in court

This is one of those things that's been around for a while, but it gets better with age :-) IMHO the last one's the best.

1. Q:	What is your date of birth?
   A:	July fifteenth.
   Q:	What year?
   A:	Every year.

2. Q:	What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
   A:	Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

3. Q:	This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
   A:	Yes.
   Q:	And in what ways does it affect your memory?
   A:	I forget.
   Q:	You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

4. Q:	How old is your son, the one living with you.
   A:	Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
   Q:	How long has he lived with you?
   A:	Forty-five years.

5. Q:	What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
   A:	He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
   Q:	And why did that upset you?
   A:	My name is Susan.

6. Q:	And where was the location of the accident?
   A:	Approximately milepost 499.
   Q:	And where is milepost 499?
   A:	Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

7. Q:	Sir, what is your IQ?
   A:	Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

8. Q:	Did you blow your horn or anything?
   A:	After the accident?
   Q:	Before the accident.
   A:	Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

9. Q:	Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
   A:	We both do.
   Q:	Voodoo?
   A:	We do.
   Q:	You do?
   A:	Yes, voodoo.

10. Q:	Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
    A:	Yes.
    Q:	Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A:	Yes, sir.
    Q:	What did she say?
    A:	What disco am I at?

11. Q:	Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

12. Q:	The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

13. Q:	Were you present when your picture was taken?

14. Q:	Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

15. Q:	Did he kill you?

16. Q:	How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

17. Q:	You were there until the time you left, is that true?

18. Q:	How many times have you committed suicide?

19. Q:	So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A:	Yes.
    Q:	And what were you doing at that time?

20. Q:	She had three children, right?
    A:	Yes.
    Q:	How many were boys?
    A:	None.
    Q:	Were there any girls?

21. Q:	You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A:	Yes.
    Q:	And these stairs, did they go up also?

22. Q:	Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A:	I went to Europe, Sir.
    Q:	And you took your new wife?

23. Q:	How was your first marriage terminated?
    A:	By death.
    Q:	And by whose death was it terminated?

24. Q:	Can you describe the individual?
    A:	He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q:	Was this a male, or a female?

25. Q:	Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A:	No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

26. Q:	Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A:	All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

27. Q:	All your responses must be oral, OK?
    Q:	What school did you go to?
    A:	Oral.

28. Q:	Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A:	The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q:	And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A:	No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

29. Q:	Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

30. Q:	Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A:	No.
    Q:	Did you check for blood pressure?
    A:	No.
    Q:	Did you check for breathing?
    A:	No.
    Q:	So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A:	No.
    Q:	How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A:	Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q:	But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A:	It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.